Paul, You're Doing it Wrong

For those not familiar with the Paul Chambers "Twitter joke" story, the basics are that Paul was arrested, fined and received a criminal record for sending a tweet. In the interests of public education, here is that incriminating tweet in full (the mere act of reproduction, by the way, could get us arrested too):

"Crap! Robin Hood Airport is closed. You've got a week... otherwise I'm blowing the airport sky high!"

Nasty, huh? Rather than detailing the rest of the case, I'll let the excellent Jack of Kent bring you up to speed and explain better than I ever could why this case matters.

Paul's hearing is this Friday and anyone with an ounce of common sense is hoping that Doncaster Crown Court will overturn the original ruling.

This matters not just for Twitter users, but for anyone planning on having a potentially overheard conversation and using either humour or hyperbole (or heaven forbid both!) to communicate a message - and that's pretty much everyone.

As our government and that of the US are fond of telling us, we now live in "dangerous times" ("Yeh, thanks to you, you fuckers" - thanks, Bill Hicks) and that "the rules of the game have changed". You can no longer go around joking about bombs and terrorism and stuff.

The message is clear: Our government has created a false climate of fear and if you don't take this fabrication seriously, you will be punished.

As a result, Paul lost not one but two jobs, had his computers confiscated (I believe he still hasn't had them returned), was fined 1,000 pounds and received a criminal record. I can only begin to imagine the impact on his personal life.

I don't know about you, but that scares me shitless. I'm also in no doubt that this is the precise, desired effect intended by the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS): so much as a snigger and you'll have your life ruined.

But watching Tony Blair being interviewed by Andrew Marr on the BBC earlier this month made me realise that Paul's mistake wasn't rooted in naivety or misunderstanding of the "changed climate" of the times we live in - as some commentators have egregiously suggested the case might be justified. Paul's problem, plain and simple, was that he didn't go far enough.

Tony Blair announced to the world in a public broadcast on 1 September that he would advocate "military confrontation" with Iran should they "continue to develop nuclear weapons" (a statement that, incidentally, has yet to benefit from any credible evidence - but when did that stop them). Here is Mr Blair's threat verbatim:

"I think we've got to be prepared to confront them.. Militarily? If necessary militarily. I think there is no alternative to that if they continue to develop nuclear weapons and they need to get that message loud and clear"

So you see, had Paul threatened to bomb an entire country and not just a provincial airport, he would most likely have been applauded for it. You set your sights too low, Paul.

To ram the point home. We made a lovely little graphic with a summarised comparison of the two men and their respective "threats":

On balance, Tony is the more dangerous man.

So what do we do?

There have been some nice suggestions of using Twitter as a form of mass civil disobedience to co-incide with Paul's hearing. Some people are going to retweet Paul's original tweet. Others have cleverly suggested quoting from John Betjeman's wonderful poem, Slough: "Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough! / It isn't fit for humans now,".

But I think we need to show the CPS what a real threat looks like. Fortunately they're on Twitter, so we can easily point them in the right direction:

@cpsuk For a REAL "menacing communication", see Blair advocate an invasion of Iran http://bbc.in/cDR4wW
#twitterjoketrial #yougotthewrongguy

No one, with a good conscience, should be idly standing by, hoping it will never happen to themIf we all tweet this on Friday at 10am, this will serve an excellent dual purpose. Firstly, it should help the CPS get both a sense of proportion and a sense of what characterises public interest. Secondly, this might actually start the necessary cogs in motion to get this war mongerer behind bars where he belongs.

Please help us spread this far and wide. As we say, it affects more than Twitter, more than the Internet. It is an affront and an insult to the most basic of civil liberties. Feel free to use the image above to help get the word out. Of course, you don't have to do exactly what we suggest, the important thing is that collectively we say something. Whatever works, really. No one, with a good conscience, should be idly standing by, hoping it will never happen to them.

Edit 22/09/10: Our 'call to arms' tweet used to read "RT tonyblair: I'm going to bomb Iran lol". But someone who understands Twitter much better than I and whose opinion I respect suggested that urging the 'twitterverse' to issue a mass bomb threat on Iran might not be a great idea So I tweaked the end message a bit. Hope it's still clear. (Possibly clearer?) As I said before, it doesn't really matter what you say, but say something.

Edit #2: It's started: #yougotthewrongguy

Giant Mosctapus or Giant Mosqapus?

Harry & Molly write: "We had a TerrorBull Games Night with two friends last night, where we played through all your games, from Bullshit Plug to War on Terror (complexity ramping up with each game). It was tremendous". We'll come back to comment on the foolish bravery of such an event in a bit, but Harry followed up with the suggestion that "'Mosqapus' is more entertaining than 'Mosctapus'". Something that has sparked a fierce row here at TBG HQ.

Andy S likes the unpronouncability of 'mosctapus' and finds it etymologically closer to the roots of both words, whereas Tom prefers the witty economy of 'mosqapus' and the deceptive 'q' that leads you to want to pronounce it 'qua' until you realise it actually forms the pivotal union between two words. We really can't make up our minds. However, it is important because "the giant mosqapus/mosctapus" has legs. 8 of them of course. But we expect to see it reappear again and we need to all agree on the name, OK? Please leave your suggestions in the comments box. Democracy in ACTION!

So Harry & Molly are clearly insane. We once tried playing two games of War on Terror in the same day. It almost broke us. Just the idea of playing four of our games within the space of less than a month makes us feel woozy. Nevertheless, they did it and claimed it was "utterly brilliant". Here is a rather wonderful video of them playing Mosqopoly:

P: You ready?
T: I'm ready!
P: One more blog post and I'll take you down, Terrorist!
T: Aaaah! Ha-ha-haaa!
P: Oh no!
T: The Giant Mosqtapus is overtaking New York!
P: Oh no!
T: A-ha-ha!
P: My babies are crying little bigoted tears!
T: Yeeees!

Extra points there for "little bigoted tears" and for the whole (totally surreal) 1920s vibe.

Extra points there for "little bigoted tears" and for the whole (totally unfathomable) 1920s vibe. In other news, it must be the season for TBG-related couple submissions as Daniel and his partner, Emily, sent in a picture of themselves absolutely SMASHING the naked transport challenge. Some people have balls. Real balls.

We think our challenges get a bit forgotten about, so come on folks, it really is that easy to win a free game. We've even added a Giant Mosqapus themed challenge for you to get your teeth sunk into.

Is it too late to say 9/11 - Never Forget? Thought so. We'll save that discussion for next year then. Class dismissed!

P.S. Harry also pointed out that Mosqopoly is a bit broken. He's right, the terrorists are too strong. We advise adjusting the terrorist meter so that the first level of attack is effectively nothing (so terrorists have to 'save up' at least once before attacking).

Print and Play: 'Mosqopoly'

Following the recent craziness surrounding the 'Ground Zero Mosque', we decided to make another print-and-play game. You know what they say, ridicule is the third-best weapon against ignorance; vigilance and education being the first two (strangely, Wikipedia has the AK-47 listed as #4).

The premise is simple. If the building of the Cordoba Cultural Center really is the ultimate victory for Al Qaeda, then we have to conclude that 9/11 was all about making room for such a centre. And that kind of makes sense. You know what New York bureaucracy's like. It'd take forever to get planning permission for a 13-floor mosque at the WTC .... unless .... unless it's a building site anyway. Then, hey, the bulldozers are already there. May as well build something in its place, right?

First they came for our freedom, then they came for our women, then they came to disregard our local planning laws ...

Download: The Entire Game (PDF 14Mb) or separate sheets: Game board (PDF 5mb | JPEG 1.1Mb), Bits & Pieces (PDF 4.8Mb | JPEG 1mb), Instructions (PDF 4Mb | JPEG 860Kb)

This is Mosqopoly. It's a stupid game of racism, hysteria and bigoted falsehoods, so perfect for breaking out at those tea-party meetings we know you secretly attend.

"Many people thought the attacks of 9/11 were about terror, but the truth is far more sinister. Yesterday, extreme Muslimists built a Giant Mosque, planted like a victory flag, at Ground Zero. That's right, the flattening of the World Trade Center nine years ago was part of a broader Islamofacist terror plot designed to circumvent local planning laws and lower the notoriously expensive NYC ground rent at the same time. Why? So that the entirety of downtown Manhattan can be turned into the world's biggest mosque - a project they refer to as The Giant Mosqtapus. If we don't stop this Megamosque now, it's tentacles will strangle the life out of this, the greatest city, in the greatest country on earth. Only you can stop Mosqopoly!"

As ludicrous as the current situation is becoming, it's worth bearing in mind that Noam Chomsky says he's "never seen anything like it". Glenn Beck's Christ complex has finally got out of control, angry mobs are harassing any dark-skinned man who happens to stray within half a mile of Ground Zero, Muslim taxi drivers are being stabbed and mosques are being burnt down. Never underestimate the power of organised ignorance.

By the way, if anyone actually prints these games off and plays them, we'd love to get your feedback and send us photos too. Any photos. We just like pictures.

Enjoy!

P.S. For posterity, here's the link to our first print-and-play game: Operation: Bullshit Plug

We've always encouraged house rules and personalisation of our games, but we didn't expect this...

View Gallery
(14 Images)

Back in 2008 we visited Essen in Germany, to snoop around the toy fair we were banned from. When we were there we had a great games evening in the shop Fantasy En'counter hosted by our good friend Holgar. There we met two great guys who had developed their own cards for War on Terror. We didn't realise it then but this was just the beginning for them...

Just recently we received the most amazing package in the post. We soon realised our German friends had been very busy since we last met. Very, very busy. They've been rather taken by War on Terror, so much so, that their original collection of lovingly illustrated cards (as if this wasn't enough in itself) has now been developed somewhat. This new package contained a 21 page card appendix translated into English, 53 (yep you read it right, that's 53) all new Empire and 13 Terrorist cards, as well as new ideas and cards for 'Terrorist Leaders' and 'Mission Cards'. And last but not least the package included a Defcon playing system influenced by the news that we were working on a Threat Level System ourselves. We have officially been blown away, and Tom our illustrator is reading the job pages more than ever before.

Take a look at some of the cards on the right and you'll begin to get a feel for the passion and time that these guys have put in. We are humbled and salute these two fine Germans. At the same time we are a little worried for their sanity. Although speaking from experience we think that the loss of sanity they may have experienced is a natural by product of spending so much time working on and developing rules for such a ridiculous board game. Gents, we now need to lie down and recover, everybody else carry on. The world is not normal.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
Chaps, can you get in touch with us, let us know your contact details and we'll reciprocate and send you some goodies in the post? We love your style and it should be rewarded.

We're in the money!

Or to be more precise, 6 brave folk are in the money. So a million thanks to everyone who took part in our experimental money auctions - whether bidding, watching or spreading the word around, your participation was vital and we're very grateful for it.

We weren't really sure what to expect, but in the end you helped us raise over £914.55 for Amnesty International, which is pretty damn good! Congratulations, new money people - you've done us proud and you've helped out a great cause too.

If you're interested in seeing the completed auctions, they'll be available here for a while: 5m, 10m, 20m, 50m, 100m & 500m

As I type, we're exporting all the artwork for War on Terror edition 2. It's terribly exciting, we can tell you.

Talking of new stuff, we have more exciting news. The TBG website - originally used as a front to kid prospective investors that we really existed - is getting a long overdue redesign. That's coming soon.

For those of you wondering, this does indeed mean that our existing stocks of War on Terror edition 1 are dwindling. The total print run was 25,000. Not bad going for a game that no one wanted to touch with a shitty stick ...

Anyway, we've boxed up our own pristine-1st-editions and stuck them in the attic for safe-keeping. If you're of a particular archivist or OCD bent, bear in mind that this is your last chance to secure a copy of the original version to preserve for all eternity. Quick! History depends on you!

Finest damn sales pitch ever.